this is just sad...

i just got overly excited by the bright pink folders i found in our supply cabinet. i snagged some for future use. its like temporary zoloft. arent those little zoloft pill-blob things so adorable?

when a simple thing like this makes you entirely too happy, ... can you say relocation?

also, im famished so it could be a factor.

currently listening: to my stomach growling! (where is lorna so i can go to lunch already!)

my new favorite trashy record label.

retard disco.

i guess they've put out stuff from gravy train!!!! (im not necessarily THAT excited about gravy train!!!! its just that the four !'s are a part of their name). and now that ive been exposed to their (retard disco) latest releases, one in particular, im not surprised.

the one in particular is gene defcon- throw up & die. they are like a synth-punk version of the moldy peaches. hella potty-mouthed. the cd is pretty freakin' rad.

the other release is an ep is partyline- girls with glasses. its a new release that involves allison from bratmobile. its pretty rad girl punk stuff. plus they have a title track... "girls with glasses". and you know how much we rule.

im starving. who wants to bring me food, cuz im not sure WHEN i will get to take a lunch! pretty please?

now spinnin' in the cd rom drive: gene defcon- throw up and die (retard disco)

always feeling the need for change.

in case you havent noticed, i have problems sticking with one design for my blog. like my hair, where i live, and other things in my life, i feel the constant need to change it up. this layout is more simplified. i like it. i'll try to take the font size down a notch.

i got some good news at work today. i will leave it at that, since im pretty sure my work spies on me regularly.

my friend julie is coming to visit from chicago. in fact, she could already be here. i think they are all going to an a's game, and avi is telling me to go, but i havent decided. maybe i can meet up w/ them later or definitely friday night for sure. bamboo 7? cinnebar? i havent seen julie in sooooo long. we keep up on each others lives through our blogs, haha. sad i know. when she lived out here everyone thought we were sisters or even confused us with eachother. im excited to hang out with her in some swanky san jose bars.

speaking of awesome bars. about two weeks ago, me and ryan went to this bar on north first street, it was called trials. im not sure if it was an irish pub, but they did have a lot of irish beers on tap. the place has lots of seating, a nice mix of older-mid twenty-somethings and up, good music, nice & funny bartenders, no obnoxious frat-boys, thus people are capable of holding conversations and it closed really early. i guess thats good for more of an after work kinda bar. they announced last call at around 11:30. then kicked most of us out by midnight.

okay. back to the daily grind. im in the process of booking campsites for our annual youth retreat-camping trip. we always camp at manresa state beach, its a nice area. scary at night, as you drive into the campsite entrance, there's fog and a big scary house on a hill. its like the house on haunted hill. last year i had to sleep in a kids tent because there wasnt enough room for everyone in the other tents. one of my youth, he actually slept outside. but i was too tall for the kids tent so i had to sleep diagonally. it sucked.

yours,
neeeecole

now playing: dj shadow- endtroducing...deluxe edition, disc 2: excessive ephemera (island-universal)

desperate apologies.......? or pleas of forgiveness.....? or one in the same....?

today as i was driving home on highway 17... i was just passing the hamilton exit, or was nearly passing it, i cant remember,.... but i saw a sign on an overpass that read, "i sorry cha loopa". i thought of two things, 1) wow. thats a nice way of saying you're sorry to someone you love and 2) did that just say cha loopa? are they talking about a taco? and i also thought they had poor grammar or perhaps didnt speak english well.

i prefer to believe my initial thought. someone making an attempt to say sorry to someone they care about. its a nice thought. it made me smile in a sad way.

more stuff to come later... (im in a blog-writing mood, but i must concentrate on puting a dent in my stack of records i have left to review).

now listening & reviewing: smog- a river ain't too much to love (drag city).

choking on the thought of leaving...

this morning as i was driving to work i had a revelation. the alkaline trio/rise against show is july 22............................(long pause)......................... i am leaving for vegas on july 21st. i bought my alkaline trio ticket monday. anyone need a ticket? =( damnity-damn-damn-damn! i was looking forward to this show sooooooooo friggin' much and now boooo.

oh well.

get over it nicole. you CAN'T GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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so i found someone angrier than nathan. :) this guy swears A LOT.
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ive had a bit of a ghetto week. on monday, my dsl got turned off. and last night when i got home i found that my cable was shut off. i hate responsibility right now. im tired. i wish for like at least one month i had someone else around who could take care of me and help with stuff.

speaking of R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y, i signed up for my last semester of classes yesterday. ugh. most people don't have faith that i will graduate next semester. this is because i have to take a total of five classes (two of which are p.e. and one of the other ones includes a lab component). classes include: biostatistics (w/ a lab), the health care professional, strategic writing for the organization (public relations class), and jogging and intermediate bowling. yes im intermediate. the jogging and bowling classes are twice a week, one after the other. i will be floating back and forth between classes and work and it should all be incredibly fun. basically after i start school, i will see you all at the end of december.

my schedule is going to SUCK. but i HAVE to do it. i have to. there's no way around it. i am getting depressed still being in school at 24 (i turn 24 in exactly two weeks from now). i feel stuck here until i graduate.
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on to the weekend festivities...
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last nite i saw cinderella man. i really liked it, and im sure crowe will get a oscar nod, but my boy paul giamatti really deserves one. it was just a really great touchy-feely (in a good way) ron howard-directed story. though its a boxing movie (although its more of a story about the man and not the sport... obviously), there are some really nice romantic moods to the film. awwwwwwwww.

tonite im gonna be slummin' it over at the caravan. colin and olgie's band, "touch my rash" is playing and i cant miss that. especially after seein' colin rock the sinead o'connor and olga rock the ac/dc last weekend at karaoke. if anything, caravan has cheap beer. and ive been a good girl all week, so im due for at least one or two beers. hopefully jocelyn will come out so we can see her before she goes off to cancun for a week or so.

tomorrow is eid's b-day party and michael's grad. celebratation. that should be good, just have to make sure no one wrestles/breakdances to the point of breaking/spilling things.

currently listening to: alkaline trio- goddamnit (im still mad im going to miss this show!)

i'm dumb.

yup yup.

oh hell yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The New Pornographers Announce Fall Tour

Rob Kleckner reports:
With large bands like the New Pornographers, where each member is also in a different group, it's not easy to coordinate a tour. Also, it's hard to cram so many people onto a tour bus. Not to mention all the...pornography. But when you've got a new album coming out, touring is what you've got to do, no matter how cramped the quarters.

Formed by Carl Newman in 1997, the other Pornographers are filmmaker Blaine Thurier, Destroyer's Dan Bejar, Kurt Dahle and Todd Fancey of Limblifter, the Evaporators' John Collins, and Neko Case.

As previously reported, the New Pornographers will play a handful of shows in the Northeast at the end of June. They'll split for the summer before reconvening in the fall to support their new album, Twin Cinema, which will be released by Matador on August 23.

The fall tour will commence in band headquarters Vancouver. It'll crawl down the West Coast before making its way through the Midwest and back to the East. There are some holes in the schedule, so it's safe to assume that more dates are forthcoming.

06-22 Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell's
06-23 Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell's
06-24 Lancaster, PA - Chameleon Club
06-25 Brooklyn, NY - Celebrate Brooklyn (Prospect Park)
06-26 Northampton, MA - Pearl Street Nightclub
09-23 Vancouver, British Columbia - Commodore Ballroom #
09-27 San Francisco, CA - Bimbo's #
09-28 San Francisco, CA - Bimbo's #
09-29 Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theater #
10-07 Newport, KY - Southgate House #
10-08 Kalamazoo, MI - Club Soda #
10-11 Boston, MA - The Roxy #
10-15 Washington, DC - 9:30 Club #
10-20 Chicago, IL - Metro #

# with Destroyer, Immaculate Machine

m.j. not guilty... whatever.

so yeah. no surprise when that verdict was read. i mean, come on, just because a grown-man built an entire amusement park to lure in small boys to sleep in his bed doesnt make him a child-molestor.

im such a procrastinator... school is out, but im still lame at homework type responsibilities: paying bills and doing charts. this is probably the last time i will ever do charts for kscu and im so lazy about it. i used to fucking LOOOOOOOOOVE doing charts. now. boo. oh well. almost done with them.

i saw bruce campbell tonite. he was doing a book signing at the camera 7, and then they are showing his new movie and he's doing a q&a. i used to think that he was a man that didnt age, but when i saw him tonite, he looked old. old brucie. didnt stay for the movie or q&a. just went for a peak. it was pretty packed. lots of nerds out in full force. i saw one of the teachers there from my old high school. haha. funny.

okay. back to charts. well first, shower time, then charts them zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

why i love jimmy eat world.

jimmy eat world: "kill"

Well, you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I wanna go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance? (chance?)
Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting after means (means)
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Gotta take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
(Know what you want to say)
I know people can't help feeling differently
I loved you, and I sure said it
But tell me just what has it ever meant?

I can't help it baby, this is who I am (am)
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away
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i know i know. but i love this song. :) it speaks the truth.

knowing that its time for a road trip...

i have no energy to do anything. no motivation. im in a constant battle with myself on how to handle situations, and what to do. if there is anything. im trying to be hopeful but its difficult. i seem to make every wrong decision in the book. its crazy to me that if i rewind one month everything was happy and good, and now none of it matters. (im not meaning in a suicidal matter.. dont worry). i made decisions that made me feel temporarily better, but now, again, im suffering. there's a big empty hole inside of me that no matter what i do to take my mind off things, its always there. here i am, getting upset at work, so i need to stop writing. and maybe stop listening to coldplay.

playing now: coldplay- x&y

behaving irrationally...

we all do this from time to time, some more than others. most of the time i do it when my heart is effected. when its broken, or when its out of love. i try not to apologize for behaving this way, especially when its called for, so i wont at this time. although i will say sorry if this doesnt make any sense to some of you. or the handful of you that actually read this blog.

but i suppose what im talking about is letting go... which always hurts more than anything i have to deal with in life. but its neccessary to keep myself happy and healthy and surrounded by people that genuinely care about me and treat me so. i know i should never settle for less.. and i made that mistake and now im paying for it.

can you tell my heart is broken?

nicole.